Questions

1. Do you lose sleep because of a loved one's drinking or drug use?

2 .Do most of your thoughts revolve around their drinking or drug use or other problems that arise because of him or her?

3. Do you force the loved one to make promises not to drink or use drugs only for those promises to be broken?

4. Do you make threats or decisions and not follow through on them?

5. Has your attitude changed toward the family member (alternating between love and hate)?

6. Do you mark, hide, dilute and/or empty bottles of liquor or medication?

7. Do you think that everything would be okay, if only the problem drinker would stop their drug use or control their drinking?

8.Do you feel alone, fearful, anxious, angry and frustrated most of the time? Are you beginning to feel dislike for yourself and to wonder about your sanity?

9. Do you find your moods fluctuating wildly, as a direct result of your loved one's moods and actions?

10. Do you feel responsible and guilty about the drinking problem?

11. Do you try to conceal, deny, or protect the family member's drinking or drug use?

12. Have you withdrawn from outside activities and friends because of embarrassment and shame over their drinking or drug use?

13. Have you taken over many chores and duties that you would normally expect the family member to assume or that were formerly his or hers?

14. Do you feel forced to try to exert tight control over the family expenditures with less success and are financial problems increasing?

15. Do you feel the need to justify your actions and attitudes and, at the same time, feel somewhat smug and self-righteous compared to the drinker or drug user?

16. If there are children in the house, do they often take sides with either the problem drinker or the spouse?

17. Are the children showing signs of emotional stress, such as withdrawing, having trouble with authority figures, rebelling, acting out sexually?

18. Have you noticed physical symptoms in yourself, such as nausea- a "knot" in the stomach, ulcers, shakiness, sweating palms, bitten fingernails?

19.Do you feel utterly defeated, that nothing you say or do will move the problem drinker or drug user? Do you believe that her or she can't get better?

20. Where this applies, is your sexual relationship with a problem drinker or drug user affected by feelings of revulsion? So you "use" sex to manipulate or refuse sex to punish him or her?

If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions we encourage you to contact us confidentially for information that could help you and the rest of your family.